Tuesday, May 23, 2006

Skankerella the Great

A "friend" of mine sent me the following email. With her permission, I'm sharing it with you guys.

Dear De,

Have I ever told you the story about one of the guys from IRC?

I jumped on the internet bandwagon before the wagon got so crowded.
I found myself on IRC in late 1996, I think.
By 1997, I was addicted. I was doing mIRC every free moment. I made a lot of friends there and became quite popular.
When my boyfriend and I broke up and I moved out, I had my IRC friends to bolster my spirits and I had a bunch of horny IRC guys to make sure I got laid.

One guy with whom I had become friends decided he wanted to come visit me.
I think his name was James but to be honest, I've forgotten a lot about him.
I explained to him that I didn't want to sleep with him but if he wanted to come hang out on vacation, that was cool with me.
It didn't take long for me to realize that he had EVERY intention of having sex with me. It also didn't take me long to realize he was a TOTAL loser.

I never invited him to stay at my place so after a few nights in a motel, he confessed to me that he was out of money. "Could I crash at your house for a while?"

I am not totally heartless. I didn't want him sleeping on the streets so I found him the cheapest, crack-whoringest, gang-riddenest motel a crisp 20 dollar bill would buy and I dropped him off and said "See ya tomorrow!" with a cheerful wave.

I figured out that this guy was persistant. He wasn't going to leave without luring me into his bed (is it my bed if I paid for the room?).

One night, as I was feeding him a bologna sandwich and a lukewarm glass of tap water, I realized that the only way I'd get rid of this parasite was to sleep with him.
He wasn't disgusting, I told myself. It wouldn't be HORRIBLE.

So, I did.
Oh boy, was he EVER excited!

During the act, I got kind of mouthy....

"Oh you like that don't you?"
"Yes! Yes!" he moaned.

"You want me to do that again?"
"Yes, yes! Oh yes!"

"You like it rough, don't you?"
"Oh God, yes!"

"You're leaving first thing in the morning, aren't you?"
"Yes! Oh baby, YES!"

He was on a plane back to Suckerville the very next day.
I giggled with glee all the way back home.

Your Friend,

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