Tuesday, May 22, 2007

Twenty Bore

So, last night was 24's eagerly awaited 2-hour season finale.

I can sum this event up in one word: zzzzZZZZzzzzZZZzzz

Are you kidding me? That's it? We end with Jack standing at the edge of a cliff?
I was hoping for a gunshot as the screen went dark or something dramatic like that.

This is what we discovered in the finale:
  • VP Daniels admits his mistakes and becomes a somewhat likable guy.

  • Hottie Mc Old Guy, Bill Buchanan, risks it all to help Jack in his 3943483rd rogue mission of the day, at Karen's request.

  • Chloe's pregnant. Who didn't see that coming? In television, when a woman is dizzy and/or faints, that's the universal code for pregnancy.

  • Jack's father may or may not have died. Yes, he was lying there bleeding from the gunshot wound issued by Josh who may or may not be Jack's biological son and yes, the fighter jets were coming but there was a boat sitting RIGHT there and in 24 World, you can jump into a waiting boat, start the engine and escape huge explosions in like 3.5 seconds whereas I can't start my car, put on my seat belt, adjust the radio station, put on my sunglasses and back out of my parking spot before I've used half a tank of gas idling.

  • Tom Lennox convinces Daniels to pardon Bill and Karen. Awww...he's a nice guy after all.

Alright...and here is what we DON'T know after the season finale:
  • What the FUCK happened to Logan and his wonderfully crazy-ass wife, Jean Smart? Last we saw, she stabbed him in the jugular with a paring knife. Dude was bleeding like crazy and then....nothing. Haven't seen them since. I just KNEW they would clear that up at the end but no. WTF?

  • What the FUCK happened to Wayne Palmer? Is he a vegetable? Will he be able to continue his duties as President? Will his injuries turn him into Evil Wayne?

  • Is Papa Bauer really dead? Jack didn't watch him die like he said he did. He just assumed he died when the oil rig was destroyed. You know what happens when you assume, don't you Jack? You DIE!

  • Where the hell is Kim? Doesn't she usually get dragged into any international incident? Is she still with some aging 80's teen heartthrob?

  • What was the deal with Milo's brother. First he was there, then he wasn't. Why did he disappear? Is he going to avenge his dead brother (who looks NOTHING like him) next season? Is he going to kill Nadia since she was too chicken-shit to admit SHE was head of CTU?

  • What happened to Lisa Miller? Is she going to be a vegetable like Palmer? Will Daniels forgive her and continue to rub her sticks together?

  • and...Jack has used up about all his crazy. He lost it over Cheng, he lost it over his dad, his brother and the near-death of his nephew/son. What's going to push Jack over the edge next season?

Now we have to wait until January 2008 for all the answers. 24 better step it up. I might stop caring between now and then.

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