Holy Crap

Have I really not blogged since May 8??

I'm sorry about that. The blogging community must be lost without me.

I don't know what's wrong with me but I don't want to turn this into one of those posts about not blogging.

I'm bringing back an oldie but goodie: Short Attention Span Blogging!

• AI: I wasn't surprised when Melinda Dolittle was voted off. Although she's UBER talented, Blake and Jordin have the younger following and it's typically the kiddies that do the voting. You don't see my old ass on my cell phone txting my votes, do you? I predict Jordin as the winner. I LOVE LOVE LOVE Blake, though. I love his spiky hair, his crazy-ass beat boxing and his sideways moonwalking. Being an old school Bon Jovi crazed fan (seriously, all I remember from highschool is Bon Jovi), I was scared when I heard he was doing "You Give Love a Bad Name" but he rocked it. I LOVED it.
  Anyway....my prediction is Jordin winning the show.



• It's baseball season and I'm obsessed. If I'm not actually AT Minute Maid Park, I'm watching it on TV.
  I was there Saturday evening for the only win against the Rangers in this series. I guess instead of a jinx, I'm becoming a good luck charm. I KNEW I should have gotten season tickets!
  I can't believe it but I actually sat in front of smart people. Normally, the people behind me are usually idiots.
  There was an older gentleman behind us with his foreign exchange student from South Korea. I loved how he was explaining the game to him. Obviously, they've spent a lot of time watching it on TV because the kid knew a lot but the old guy was showing him where he could see the score, where he could find out what kind of pitch was thrown and how fast it was, etc. Then, when the kid went to the restroom, he told us the kid was due back in South Korea at the end of June and he didn't want to go. Shit, I can understand that. As a country, we have our faults but c'mon...it's awesome here and there is nothing better than a baseball game at in a beautiful park!


• How sick am I? I'm excited about Paris Hilton going to jail. All my life I've witnessed celebrities and the like getting away with things like...oh...MURDER, so it's nice to see someone who thinks she's above the law being brought down to reality. Not that this will do any good. She's never lived in the real world. Her brain is hard-wired to think she is better than everyone else. It will still be SO much fun picturing her eating slop in her ill-fitting jumpsuit. PRICELESS!


• My friend just told me about an ad on Craig's List. It's a man, looking for a woman...to take a shit in his mouth. So, is this a thing now? To become a viable single person, looking for some fun, I have to contend with shitters? Are there actually women willing to do this and are these people my competition? I'm not sure I'm up for it, you know? I might have to settle for celibacy if it requires not only taking a crap in public but taking a crap ON someone.
  I've always known relationships were shitty but this is ridiculous!