Feudin' Femmes

As embarrassing as this is for me, I've got to talk about the Kelly Ripa/Clay Aiken/Rosie O'Donnell debacle.

What a load of shit!

I've tried to "like" Rosie. I respect different lifestyles and different points of view on many topics but I'm tired of people pulling the "gay woman" card.
It never occurred to me that Kelly's comment would be considered a slam against all gay people.
But Rosie, with a giant lesbian chip on her shoulder, had to make it a homo-issue. I guarantee you that Clay Aiken didn't want that!
He has never come out of the closet. He's never once said whether or not he likes the ween.
But big mouth Rosie just made an even bigger issue of it.
Rosie O'Donnell spends her life on the defensive and I can't say I wouldn't be the same way if I had all the societal strikes against me that she does AND in the public eye constantly but it's obvious to me that she's spoiling for a fight.

With so many other "hot topic" issues in the world, I can't believe she chose Kelly Ripa's innocent remark to tear apart.
I wonder how long til Barbara Walters gives Rosie the ole Star Jones-Reynolds treatment?

A Message

MySpace High

I think I hate MySpace.
In a way I think it's great for kids. They're all into that shit but when people my age and older spend great quanities of time on it, it seems strange....almost pathetic.
I was using MySpace to stay in touch with a coworker and some online friends. Then I ran into some OLD online friends from back in the IRC days.
Then it migrated to people I went to school with and this is where I draw the line.

There is a wonderful reason why I don't go to reunions or join classmates.com. I didn't like those assholes when I was IN highschool, why would I seek them out on MySpace?
I recently got a friend request from someone that supposedly graduated from my highschool a few years after me. I don't know this chick. Her name isn't familiar and I don't recognize her picture. But I checked out her profile and saw several people I graduated with and then I looked at their profiles and so on and so on and suddenly, I was surrounded by people I knew from years ago; people I've been perfectly happy not seeing for the last 15 years.
I felt a little sick to my stomach and I don't know why.

Maybe it was because these people have never seemed to leave highschool.
The only people on their friends lists were school mates.
I looked at my friends list and very few are people I went to school with.
I'm not saying it's wrong or unhealthy to have 100 lifelong schoolmate-type friends but well...I don't know what I'm saying.
It just made me feel a little odd. All these people I spent hours with for 12 years of my life, right here, on this little computer screen.

It made me realize how small your life is the first 18 years of your life. You're surrounded by people you're forced to be with and they all seem so important.

Once you're wrenched out of their clutches, you realize that the world is an enormous place. There are so many people, so many opportunites and you can be anyone you want to be.

I don't have any interest in knowing these people again. I've grown up and moved on. I don't rely on having a bunch of friends or a bunch of people to hang out with anymore.
I always hung with a crowd and felt like that's what was important then. Now, I only allow a few people close and I like it that way.
I am counting quality here, not quantity.
I am fulfilled by the really good friendships I've cultivated.
So, yeah, I might just leave MySpace to the kids and the online friends.
I've done highschool already.

Morons, Golf Clubs and Spiders...Oh My!

My previous entry about the moronic coworker has opened the floodgates in my memory.
That wasn't the first stupid question she's asked me, believe me!

She's also completely computer illiterate. The only reason she can do her job is because she's been given step by step instructions on which buttons to click and which keys to press. She's written it all down and keeps it close to the monitor.

A while back, I undertook a huge project where I added 12 new public access computers and a new network printer.

I was extremely busy because I was doing this all alone.

At one point, I had to access her computer to change some network settings and install a new program that had absolutely nothing to do with her.

About 30 minutes after I worked at her desk, I was in the middle of trying to figure out a problematic database issue when a patron stopped me to ask me a question.
I wasn't supposed to be out there helping patrons but no one else was around and this poor person didn't know that. So, I stopped my frantic IT work and assisted her.
In the middle of everything, my moronic coworker comes up to me in a total panic.

Her: De! I can't find my spider!
Me: Your what?
Her: My spider! My spider solitaire!
Me: The computer game, spider solitaire?
Her: Yes! It's gone. When I click the start button, it's not there anymore!

Now, I've figured out that when I was messing with her computer, I opened a few programs, causing the solitaire program to "fall off" the quickstart list in XP but what I couldn't understand is why she couldn't FIND it in "Programs". What's more; WHO FUCKING CARES? I'm WORKING. I'm in the middle of one of the biggest projects in the history of this establishment, PLUS helping a patron and she interrupts me because she can't access her fucking computer game...AT WORK!!

I was standing in the middle of a public place so I couldn't go absolutely apeshit like I wanted so I calmly said, "I'll help you with that when I get a chance."

I had no intention of helping her but the 18 year old part-timer came in a little while later and helped the moron with her pressing computer emergency.

But, lest you think she's the ONLY moron where I work...
another coworker overheard me talking about my cat, Hemingway, and said "Oh, what a cute name! Isn't Hemingway a golf club?"

Granted, she's not a librarian but ARE YOU FREAKIN KIDDING ME???
A golf club???

Concordance

Yes, it's true. I'm not really that intelligent but I surround myself with morons to make myself seem smarter.

Case in point:

Many of you know what I do for a living and in what type of establishment I work.
A coworker came up to me with a piece of paper with two works written on it.
"What is the difference between this," she pointed to one word, "and this?", she moved her finger over the second word.

I stared at the two words for a moment with a perplexed look on my face.
I wasn't perplexed because I didn't know the answer to the question. I was absolutely STUNNED at the question.
I should be given a fucking award for not 1.) smacking her upside the head, 2.) Laughing hysterically or 3.) Shooting myself in the face.

Oh, what were the two words, you ask?

Dictionary

and

Thesaurus

If The Glove Don't Fit, You Must Buy My Book

You have got to be kidding me!
OJ Simpson is about to release a book entitled "If I Did It".
IF? If anything, OJ should be writing about HOW he did it and got over. He should write a freaking textbook for murderers.
There isn't a human being on Earth who believes he's innocent. There are tribes in remote villages who have never seen a white face or a stitch of clothing who go "OJ? Yeah, he killed those people!". Except that's translated from a series of clicks and hoots.

And now, to really rub everyone's faces in it, he's writing a book about how he COULD have done it...if he did it.
Obviously, he doesn't give a shit about the families of his wife and Ron Goldman but has he thought about his kids at all?
Oh, what am I thinking? He's a murderer. He doesn't care about ANYONE.

If any of you people actually BUY that piece of shit book, I swear I'm never speaking to you again!

That One-Armed Bandit

If you're wondering why there are no more pics of Zoe, it's because I've lost interest. You're lucky I went 6 days or 5 days or however long it was. I tend to lose interest in about 2 or 3 days so this was a pretty good stretch for me.
This probably explains why I'm not married.

But anyway...
I pulled an all-nighter at a casino this weekend.
We drove in the pouring rain all the way to Coushatta in Kinder, Louisiana because apparently, Texas don't take kindly to no gamblin.

Casinos are strange, it's like entering a time warp. It seemed like within the first 10 mins, I lost $60.
After checking, I'd been there an hour and a half.
I met up with a friend and she was down to her last $20 so we grabbed a bite to eat and hit the club to listen to the band.
They were really very good and we finished out their set with them at 2:30am.
After that, I hit the slots and that's when I started winning.

I ran into my mother who showed off a wad of cash. She hit a $600 jackpot.
I was at a dollar slot so she sat down next to me, slapped a 100 down and immediately hit $200.
She literally almost fell out of her chair! If I hadn't caught it, she'd still be on the floor.

I guess I'm good luck.

Anyone wanna take me gambling to find out?

Zoe: Day 6

I forgot to take pics for yesterday and didn't remember to take any until after we were in bed so here is Zoe in all her raggedy cuteness!



As you can see by the way her hair is kinking up, she's starting to look poodle-ish which is a BAD thing in a Bichon household!
One more week until grooming day. A whole week!

I Do Not Approve This Message

Finally! Election Day is here.
I love Election Day. I love the smell of democracy in the air. I love the sight of elderly people shuffling into the voting booths because apparently, young people do not vote.

But what I love most about Election Day is that it signals the end of those dumbass political commercials.
I'm sick of seeing Chris Bell, Shelley Sekula Gibbs, Carole Keeton Strayhorn and Rick Perry 4590373493 times a day.
I'm sick of hearing some monotone idiot at the end say, "I approve this message."

I just once would love to hear someone say "I do NOT approve this message! Who authorized this shit?"

THAT is who I'd vote for.

As the World Urns

So, after much decision-making, I finally ordered an "urn" for Crash's remains.
When you say the word "urn" you think of that typical tall, vase-type thing but this isn't like that at all.
It's a polished walnut box with a Bichon figurine laying on top. The box has a brass plate engraved with a message of my choice.

When I received his cremains, I left them in the small box. According to all of the pet urn websites, the ashes are usually sealed in a plastic bag and you just transfer the plastic bag to the urn you purchase.
I wasn't ready to see his ashes so I left them in the box until I absolutely had to take them out.
When the box-urn came in, I opened the cardboard box that contained Crash's remains and dug through some styrofoam to find a small, polished, black ceramic urn...a real urn.
Sealed inside of that real urn, is (I'm assuming) his ashes. Sealed. In an urn.

Now what the hell am I supposed to do? How do you get ashes out of a sealed urn?
I don't know if the ashes are loose in the urn or if they are in plastic but I have this horrible mental image of me trying to pry open the top of the urn and the ashes flying all over the diningroom table.

If that happens you might as well order an urn for me too because I will absolutely DIE.

Oh Happy Day

This glorious news has certainly turned this into a VERY happy Election Day, indeed!

(Britney) Spears filed legal papers today in Los Angeles County Superior Court, citing "irreconcilable differences."

The world rejoices.

Zoe: Day 3

She gets so excited when I get the camera out. I don't know what she thinks is about to happen but she starts smiling and jumping up and down.
On the other hand, Piper, slinks under the bed. She is afraid of the camera for some reason.

This is Saturday:







She's pretty raggedy at this point. Hard to believe she was professionally groomed 3 days ago!

Zoe: Day 4

I almost forgot to take her picture on Sunday.
I took Zoe and Piper over to my mom's house and when I went to get them, Zoe was enjoying a nap with my mother so I snapped a few pics.
My mother preferred I not share with you any pictures of her sleeping. (how's that Colin? lol)
Go figure!

Zoe's got bed head!

Zoe: Day 2

This is Sad Zoe because Mama is leaving for work. She gets on her bed and pouts while I'm getting ready.
As you can see, her grooming has already started to deteriorate.
On her hind quarters is a dark spot where her white fur is turning a rust color. This is her skin allergies. We've tried all kinds of medications including steroid shots but after Crash's diagnosis of Cushing's Disease (which can be caused by steroid use), I've wanted to stay away from potentially organ harming meds.
We're currently trying apple cider vinegar which I've heard works well.

I'm not sure why Zoe already looks messy, she only scratches that back spot. We'll see how much of a difference a day makes tomorrow.

Pig Pen

My family has long called Zoe, Pig Pen, because no matter when she's been groomed, she always looks raggedy.
She will look well-groomed for approximately one day and then she will somehow look like she's been living on the street and eating out of dumpsters for about a year.
She goes to the groomer every two weeks and when Crash was alive, he went too. Crash would look great for nearly the whole two weeks but Zoe looks like hell by the time I take her to her next appointment.
I'm not sure why she can't seem to hold a groom but I've decided to chronicle her "groominess" for the next two weeks.

So...here we have Zoe, Day 1 (merely minutes after returning home from the "salon"):



and

I Married Joan

No, they didn't suddenly legalize same sex marriages in Texas. I'm talking about the old TV show called "I Married Joan".
There are those of you who have never heard of it because you're not strange like me.
The reason I thought of the show has a round-about story.

The other day I was talking to a co-worker who is 18. I don't remember exactly what we were talking about because the latter part of the conversation became so explosive that it wiped out any memory of earlier conversation.
Anyway, I said something jokingly about someone having a bionic leg.
Her: A what?
Me: You know, a bionic leg. Like The Bionic Woman?
Her: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Me: Are you telling me you've never heard of the TV show called The Bionic Woman????
Her: *shakes head*
Me: What about the Six Million Dollar Man?
Her: *blank look*
Me: You have GOT to be kidding me!!!
Her: You're forgetting that I'm only 18.
Me: I don't care! You had to have at least HEARD of those shows! C'mon! They're television classics!

I was surprised and it sort of made me sad. That is a whole era of television culture that is lost to people of her generation.
Those were shows of my childhood along with other shows like Chips and Charlie's Angels.
The only reason people her age know Charlie's Angels is because of those horrid movies with Cameron Barrymore and Lucy Drew.

Then the other night I was thinking of shows that I loved that weren't of my generation. Shows like Donna Reed, Mr. Ed, The Three Stooges, Little Rascals, My Three Sons. I caught all of those on Nick at Nite as a teenager and loved them.
I was also trying to think of some really old shows that I watched when I was even younger. These shows were sort of obscure even back then although my mom and dad knew them because they watched the original runs!
My first thought was I Married Joan and another show I couldn't remember. It had the name Irma in it.
So, I called my mom. She remembered right off the bat that it was My Friend Irma and wanted to know why I was thinking about that show.
I told her what led me to think of them and she started reminiscing about Joan and Irma.
She has an actual memory of going to her Aunt Pauline's house to watch it on Wednesday nights because they didn't have a television at home.
The cousins would lay on the floor in front of the TV and look at the wonder of technology.
She said she can remember laughing so hard at the antics Joan would get herself into.
I can remember laughing at them too, 30 years after she first did. In the early 80s a Christian cable channel started showing reruns and somehow I stumbled upon it.

I wondered if the show was on DVD now and through the magic of the internet, I found out the entire show was on DVD!
Because the amount of information on the internet is so vast and neverending, I dug a little deeper and found out all sorts of interesting tidbits.

Joan was played by Joan Davis and her husband was played by none other than Jim Backus (aka Thurston Howell, III)! I had forgotten about that.
Her sister, Beverly, on the show was played by her real-life daughter, Beverly.

Joan Davis started out in vaudeville and when I Love Lucy came out to such raves, NBC cooked up a show for Joan to rival Lucy.
As good as the show was, everyone really loved Lucy. The show lasted only 3 seasons versus I Love Lucy's 6 or so seasons.

Davis died in 1961 and her daughter, Beverly Wills died in a house fire, along with her two sons and her grandmother (Davis' mother). How tragic!

Isn't the internet freakin great?