Friday, March 10, 2006

Tool Time

I can't believe I haven't told you guys my Tim Allen story.
I was reminded of it late last night after a conversation with the tiny one himself.
Although, he wasn't impressed, it's always been one of my favorite stories.

Several years ago, my best friend, Lon, her sister-in-law, their cousin and I decided to have a girls night out at the movies.
We were WAY too early for the movie so we decided to hit a local bar and have a drink while we wait.
Of course, the movie never happened.  Once we started drinking, watching a movie seemed boring and less alcoholic.
Anyhow...this bar was one of those that are located inside of a hotel.  It had some stupid name like Pepper's or Banana's or Banana Pepper's or some shit like that.
There is a dance floor, a jukebox, a long bar along a mirrored wall and crazy colored disco lights everywhere.  This would have been a happenin' place had anyone been there.
We walked in like Carrie Bradshaw and the girls on a Saturday night but the only ones in the whole joint were a couple in a dark booth and a few men at the bar.
Because the bar was dark and there were colored lights flashing all over the place and due to the weirdness of the mirrored wall behind the bar, we couldn't tell if there were 4 guys, 8 guys or 20.
I don't remember really even noticing them at first anyway.  We just grabbed a table and ordered drinks.

Now, like I said, this was several years -and pounds- ago.  I was young and I was pretty hot at the time.  I was wearing this black mini skirt, black heels and a silk, multi-colored blouse.  The colors were jewel-tones and apparently, like small babies, men respond to bright colors because this blouse got me a lot of attention that night.

I'm sure I'm getting the sequence of events wrong and Lon, feel free to add what I might have left out in the comments, but this is sort of how I remember it:
I'm not sure what number drink we were on but the music was playing, we were laughing and giggling like girls do and the next thing I know, there is this man standing at our table.
He tells me that his friend thinks I'm attractive and would like to dance with me.
Believe it or not, I was a little shy and I'm sure I blushed and said "No thank you."
He kept pressing me, telling me his friend noticed me the moment I walked into the place because my top was so beautiful.  maybe he meant breasts?
He even said his friend would pick up our tab if I danced with him.
Now, if this happened today, my ass would have been out of my chair before he said "tab" but, again, I was young and I was starting to find this pretty creepy.
I think my friends were too but they were laughing their asses off, happy they weren't me.

Finally, I told the man that #1:  I wasn't going to dance with his friend on an empty dance floor and #2:  If the friend wanted to dance with me so bad, he could come ask me himself.

He went back to the bar and because we were all suddenly shy, we tried hard not to look in their direction.  We KNEW they were talking about us and we were a little self conscious by this time.

A little later, I found my way to the ladies room and one of the other guys from the bar coming out of the men's room.  He smiled and nodded at me then said, "You know, that really is a great blouse."
What the hell?  It's just a silk blouse!

I'm not sure how long we sat there drinking but eventually all the guys left and the waitress came up to our table.
"Girl, you blew it!  Totally BLEW it!"  she told me.
"Don't you know who that guy was that wanted to dance with you?"

We all shook our heads, we couldn't see the guys faces at the bar.

"It's the guy from that Home Improvement show.  Tim Allen!"

"Get out of here!  It was not!"  We all scoffed.

"He is filming some commercial around here.  He was going to buy all your drinks if you would have just danced with him.  But you blew it."
She kept saying "blew it" and it was starting to piss me off.
We didn't believe her anyway.

She left the table and returned a second later with his bar bill, signed....
Tim Allen.

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