Thursday, August 31, 2006

Since You've Been Gone...

It's really strange not having Crash around.
I find myself looking for him or watching out for him. When we would visit my mom, I could never get comfortable until I knew where he was. Being blind, he'd get turned around in her big house or have trouble finding his way through the doggie door.
While at my mom's Tuesday, I kept wondering, "Where is Crash?" then I would remember.
Tuesday morning, I got out 3 treats instead of just two. I wake up in the morning and it takes me a few minutes to remember that he's gone. He slept in the bed 100% of the time. Zoe and Piper sleep on the bed 50% of the time. I woke up this morning with the bed to myself. It was a very odd feeling.
It's hard to let something or someone go after being in your life for 10 yrs.

There is something else that is bothering me. I realized yesterday when I was walking Zoe and Piper that I resent them a little.
I know it's horrible and I'm so ashamed of myself but I see them running around in the grass, sniffing everything in their path and I'm a little angry that Crash can't do that anymore.
I know this will pass but it's not fair to them. They're just as dependant on me as Crash was but I spent over a year devoted to Crash because of his health issues.
Everything I did, I did with Crash and his disease in mind. I changed their food for Crash, knowing that Piper and Zoe would eat whatever I gave them. I fed them boiled chicken and rice because it was good for Crash's digestion.
I would wait and take them out when it wasn't so hot because I knew the heat would tire Crash.
Zoe and Piper were secondary in my thoughts because they were healthy and didn't need my special attention. Now, I don't know what to do with them.

I laid in bed today and rubbed their bellies for a while. I know these feelings are temporary so I'm trying real hard not to neglect them. Life will eventually merge back into some kind of normalcy.

I found out it will take 2 - 3 weeks to get his ashes back. I have no idea why it will take that long but it will give me time to pick out an urn.
I had NO idea they had so many pet urns to choose from. It's unbelievable.

I guess I'm not the only crazy dog lady in the world.

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